Reasons why you may be an alcoholic:

(disclaimer: this is by no means a complete list, just a few that I've noted...)

(these are the obvious ones)
- drinking every night of the week (or close to it). And on the one day you don't drink, you feel shameful for all your drinking but it does not stop you from getting back on the horse the following day
- you drink alone with no qualms
- sometimes your meals are comprised solely of beers and cheerios

(the non-obvious ones)
- none of your bowel movements are solid
- the only constant in your life is thirst
- the owners and operators of the liquor store know you by name
- you walk into Tonic on a Tuesday night at midnight and the bouncer goes, “Were you here earlier tonight?”
- on any given day, your calories consumed in liquid form > calories consumed in solid form. Food calories that are prepared with alcohol get extra points: penne alla vodka, beer battered onion rings, tequila flavored chicken, etc
- you shun daylight, vegetables, and the gym
- the advertisements that come up on the side of your gmail emails include websites for an “Atomic Wedgie Costume” and “The Eye Patch Club” and “Muscle Twitch and Tics”
- your parents want you to get a job in Omaha, NEBRASKA
- personal hygiene comes second to….finishing that beer
- you’re on the mailing list for Alka Seltzer products and coupons
- the contents of your refrigerator consist entirely of Busch beer, pickle relish, redbull and salad dressing
- your purse is filled with happy hour credit card receipts ($0 cash), a change of clothing, dice, cards, Alka Seltzer, the recipe for the Mind Eraser drink, stolen shot glasses and a sample-size bottle of Jack Daniels, “just in case”
- you often wake up on your couch at 4:30am, with the TV blaring, naked
- your friends send you unsolicited emails about the logistics behind acquiring and maintaining a Jager cooler/dispenser in your apartment (where, btw, you already have a 3 foot tall inflatable bottle of Jager as “decoration”)

I’m sure there are more, and I’m sure I will become familiar with them over the coming weeks…..I’ll let you know.

College! (revisited).

(this is a long one, sorry guys).

So, not to date myself (and I mean that as in “identify the era in which I was born” and not as “can I go out on a date with myself”), but I graduated from college almost six years ago. This weekend, a friend and I decided to relive our college glory with a trip to the University of Virginia, under the guise of visiting her brother before he graduated in May. Some things never change.

My friend and I flew in on Friday night and were picked up in Richmond by aforementioned little brother…and embark on the hour+ car ride to Charlottesville. It was a beautiful spring day and we were ready to matriculate into our weekend. We arrived at little bro’s off-campus apartment. Please see the picture below. No words necessary.



We set off to have dinner and “go to bars.” That is the UVA term for going out.

Commence drinking! One round, two rounds, three rounds, four. We head back to the apartment to launch “going to bars” and head, over some railroad tracks, under a guard rail, and to the other side of campus to “The Virginian”. Creative bar naming is not a trait of this bar’s owner, but it is nonetheless my friend's little brother’s favorite bar and therefore ours. A guy was sitting all alone in a booth. We sat down, ordered him a shot, and then he left. MONEY. We stayed there until they closed (last call at 1:30am? Come on, that is not really college), and then walked home, under the guard rails, over the tracks, etc. Proceed to Jeopardy: 5 of us challenge Alex Trebek on Tivo’d Jeopardy episodes…my friend and her bro win – I can’t even read the question before they have the answer. Jerks. Insert mysterious glass breaking here. We don’t know why all the glassware in the kitchen suddenly became one with the floor, but we did know we had to wear shoes in the apartment for the rest of the weekend. Hello college, how I love thee.

Pass out. Face down. College style. Wake up, hot, smelling like butts (cigarettes, that is, you pervs), to the sound of 10 construction crews hammering together an apartment building next door. It feels like they’re hammering right ONTO MY FACE.

Day 2, having started of with a bang, commences. Friend, brother, and myself go to get breakfast at The Tavern: “where students, townspeople and tourists come to meet.” Yes, that’s actually painted on the roof. At this point, I am the mayor of Strugglesville (aka Scrugglesville). Alternately sweating, nauseated, and suffering from IBS, I decided to dive right into undergrad/southern living and order Chipped Beef on toast. With a side of Bacon. It literally looked like something vomited on my plate. Why did I order that? I must have been still drunk. I manage to get down some potatoes and made a valiant effort at pretending I liked what I ordered.



Next up, we decide to drive through the country. If you’ve never been there, Virginia is lovely…and hilly. Hilly + chipped beef + jagerbombs = me doing lamaz breathing in the backseat of the Honda. Not a pretty sight. We return to “the apartment” where the broken glass has magically been cleaned up and decide to dive back into drinking – bloody maries on the porch, AND WE’RE OFF. Next up, Craw Daddies at KA. I barely know what that sentence means except that we went to a party where there were people eating crawfish and drinking beer. Here is the trick to getting in: Answer the following questions – Are you 21 and are you a UVA student? “Yes (in my head: "yes! this guy thinks I could be YOUNGER than 21!"), Yes (real answer: no)”. Bingo! Give me the Natty Light! I got some free smokeless tobacco. My friend and I are now endlessly promoting the impending kegger we have planned back at the apartment. Everyone we meet goes something like this, “Hi I’m Friend, sister of little bro", then I jump in with "Hi I’m me, friend of Friend. We have a Keg at column house later, you should come by! KEGGER!”. And we’re off to the next.
After our promotion efforts we were expecting a KILLER kegger. Not so much. I think like 20 people came, but we all drank that keg anyways (thank you Gene and Stephanie!). After 10 games of Beirut, I was still no good at it and all the balls fell in the bushes three flights down. The keg expired, the salami was gone, and we decided again to “go to bars.” Giddyup.

Over the guard rails and train tracks, we headed up to the Virginian one more time. Then we moved down the row to Orbit and played pool. I am apparently terrible at that too. At 1:30 the bar made last call…and that’s when we unleashed a UVA tradition on ourselves: We went to a restaurant called the “White Spot” and ordered double gusburgers and a side of heartburn. A gusburger is essentially a cheeseburger with a fried egg on top. Our host, little bro, hazed us by ordering us the DOUBLE gusburger with TWO patties of meat, cheese and a egg on top. WOW. He did not order anything - so us two lovely gals were sitting there HOUSING ground beef while this 21 year old actual college student abstained. Anyone have the number for Jenny Craig? Then we went home and played about 3 hours of Jeopardy shows on Tivo. Seeing a pattern here?

On Sunday, we did the following:
+ attempted to go eat authentic fried chicken. It was closed. Thanks.
+ went to Monticello to throw down some Thomas Jefferson love but then decided that we could not hike the 0.5 miles to see the actual house. The parking lot was nice.
+ had pitchers of beers. COLLEGE!

Overall – College was great. I do not want to go back anytime soon. Wearing flip flops in the shower, hearing about pooping in a box to stink up your roommate's room, waking up with black feet, eating Fritos and Gusburgers for dinner, are things to be enjoyed once in a blue moon for this 27 year old.

Notes on a....hidden gem

I saw the movie "Notes on a Scandal" yesterday with Cate Blanchett and Judi Dench. It is categorized as a drama in IMDB but if I were king, I would make a category of genres that was titled, "movies that are similar to 'Unfaithful'" and this would be the only one in it. I both loved and hated "Unfaithful", mostly because it scares me that something like that could happen to me (get stuck in a windstorm in So-ho, fall in love with a HOT first-aid giving book dealer who my husband later kills with a sno globe and dumps in a CT landfill....). OK, maybe not, but it is not entirely outside the realm of possibility.

So while I will do no justice if I try to 'critique' or explain "Notes" I would just say that it was a good movie and definitely worth the $11 or whatever exorbitant price I paid for it was. Cate Blanchett was great...and Judi Dench was really good too. My new favorite actor, Bill Nighy (who I saw in the play "The Vertical Hour") was also in it, making all the better.

Notes:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0465551/

Unfaithful:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0250797/

While the movie was good, what was even better was seeing a movie at the Angelika theather. I forgot how convenient and cute it is there! They have a whole cafe on the top floor where you can get coffee, cakes and even ICE CREAM. The best part about the Angelika though is the POPCORN. There is something that sets this movie popcorn apart from the Loews and Clearview Cinemas. It seems more natural and delicious. Try it. It is worth it. Man, I wish I had some right now. Darnit. The one downside is that they only serve Pepsi products there....maybe want to bring your own diet Coke for the show....

Another bonus for the Angelika: none of those terrible commercials before the show. Ha!

http://newyork.citysearch.com/profile/11273245/
(and just ignore all those nasty negative reviews....while they do NOT have stadium seating...that's part of the charm. I mean, I live 30 seconds from freaking Kips Bay theater but I chose the Angelika to avoid seeing the "Average Joe" - the actual one from the TV show - and all the other terrible Murray Hill moviegoers!)

Starts with an H and ends in EIMLICH

I was enjoying a very nice primo plato at Rosa Mexicano's psuedo-newly established Union Square location when lo and behold, for the first time ever I saw a fellow eater choking on his food two tables over! Panic ensued and the manager and wait staff came over, although I did not see anyone perform the Heimlich. Don't they have to know that kind of thing at restaurants? 911 was called and the paramdics and some firemen arrived, but by then the man had dislodged the offending morsel from his airway, although was clearly shaken up. He left 20 minutes later with the paramedics after laying down for a while.

Mark that one down on the "first time I've ever seen anything like that" list...and hopefully the last! The thought of a man choking to death two tables over was definitely enough to make me lose my appetite.....until my entree came, anyway.

P.S. We could all probably brush up on the Heimlich, just in case we are unfortunately around another choking victim:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heimlich_maneuver

First of the month....

Its actually the 2nd of the month, but who's counting? February is great because a) its only 28 days long and b) a little groundhog popped out of a hole today and said Spring was near. Hallelujah!

The first of the month also means that you need to pay your rent (F you, homeowners). Most importantly, it means that your new horoscope on Astrologyzone.com is out. Seriously, check it out! Susan Miller is my new hero. I'm a Virgo. But on the cusp of Leo, which some say is significant. To me, it just means that I usually read both horoscopes and pick the one I like better. Ha!

More to come on my recent adventures...DOWN UNDER!

Scene: Ate too much; Take: 218

Ta-daaaaa. The Babbo review is in! Overall a great experience...our reservation was at 10pm...and surprisingly, I think we were seated by 10:10pm. Not bad. The place was BUMPING. I feel a little bit like a stuffed turkey still. Whoa.

We had the pasta tasting menu and wine pairings:

1) Black Tagliatelle with Parnsips and Pancetta, paired with Soave Classico "Monte Grande," Pra 2005
2) Baccala "Mezzalune" with Scalion Butter, paired with Kerner "Praepositus," Abbazia di Novacella 2005
3) Gargenelli with "Funghi Trifolati" paired with Morellino di Scansano "I Perazzi," La Mozza 2005
4) Fernando's Pyramids with Passato di Pomodoro paired with Refosco, Le Vigne de Zamo 2004
5) Pappardelle Bolognese paired with Sagrantino di Montefalco, Adanti 2001
6) Fritella di Ricotta with Apple Mostarda paired with Orvieto Classico Abboccato, Barbi 2005
7) Milk Chocolate Panna Cotta with Vin Cotto paired with Brachetto d'Acqui "Pineto," Mareco 2005
8) Chestnut Honey Spice Cake with "Crema di Marscapone" paired with Moscato di Trani "Piani di Tufara," Rivera 2004



Now this is what I got:
1) Black noodles with bacon. And parsley. Pretty freaking good.
2) COD RAVIOLI, ALERT! And parsley. I am not a fish eater, but because I was at Babbo, I was going to try the dish, until my "partner in dine"* suggested that it was too fishy even for her, and she liked fish. I opted for bread and wine in this course.
3) BEST PLATE OF THE NIGHT. Absolutely delicious. A lot of parsley, but still delicious.
4) I liked the pyramids. They were like 3-d ravioli.
--- I'm starting to fill up -----
5) I think this was delicious. I could only have about 2 bites before my head started to droop into my plate. I don't remember any parsley.
--- It is now at least 11:30 ----
6) This was great. A little cheese nugget with a sweet/spicy marmelade. Hello fried cheese, hello friend.
7) This dish was only the size of a doll tea-cup and it came with a reeeallly long-handled skinny spoon. I used to stir iced-tea with spoons like that as a child. DELICIOUS. with a raspberry topping I think. It had the best wine of the evening too. A little sparkly red one.
8) Uh, so my partner in dine got the Chestnut Honey cake (which tasted a little bit like a Latrine cake...we couldn't place it) and I must have looked like I needed a crazy cranberry pineapple upside down cake. Because that's what I got. The waitress tried to sell it as a "surprise" but I think they just ran out of the latrine cakes. I mean, it was 12:15am by this point. They had already cleaned and re-stocked the bathrooms.


Then we rolled ourselves down the stairs and went home. I am still full, almost 20 hours later. And have had at least 2 Alka Seltzers and some Prilosec.



Food food food. I love food.
Well done Mario.

* "Partner in dine" -- isn't that hilarious? It's like "Partner in crime!"

Walk this way!

One thing I HATE is slow people on the sidewalk. It is very hypocritical of me to hate like this because for 2 months this summer I was on crutches, being VERY slow. But I knew my place. I got up early, took cabs, didn't go out, only went to work and home. I didn't lollygag around the sidewalk. Then I had a sweet cane for several weeks and dazzled people with my dapperness.

Back to my pet peeve:
What I hate more than slow-walkers are people who walk slowly on the sidewalk, and then STEP IN FRONT of everyone waiting at the corner light, so that the entire pedestrian pack has to again, "leap-frog" the slow walker. Usually by 39th and 3rd I'm ready to throw the offender into traffic. Or El Rio Grande, whichever looks more threatening.
Please. When you walk slowly, don't step in front of me after I've passed you in the middle of the block, for three blocks running. Please.


It is a slow dance of leapfrog all the way up 3rd Avenue. Sometimes for more than 10 blocks.

There is a redeeming quality about 39th and 3rd. The other day in a rainstorm, I saw a gentleman of an older generation crossing 3rd Avenue in a trench coat, sans umbrella. He was follicle-y challenged, and to keep his cabeza dry, he was sporting a run-of-the-mill hotel showercap. Clear. Not a granny clear rain scarf, but a shower cap.

It is for this reason, that I love NYC.

Tomorrow, look out for BABBO REVIEW! I will hopefully not be too bloated with food and drink to type.